Mulberry Stories: Conversations Between An American Daughter And Her Mother [BLOG]

This month our mother/daughter blogging duo has decided to focus on holiday traditions—or sometimes the lack thereof—around this time of year.

Jian: The holiday season always makes me more homesick. Christmas music playing on the radio or coming out of shops everywhere reminds me of large family gatherings on holidays, especially around the Chinese New Year, in China. With a three-member nuclear family here in the U.S., I can never conjure up the same feeling.

Lisa: The holidays have always felt somewhat commercial to me. I’ve never had a strong connection with Christmas, any religious ritual or that whole belief in Santa Claus thing. I remember growing up in New York, when we had the tiny 2-foot tree from the convenience store, and there would be presents laid under the tree labeled “From Santa to Jian;” or “From Jian to Lisa.” It was nice and all, but no farces here. A secular Christmas about gift-giving seemed like a Hallmark holiday; I, at least, was never really in want or need of anything—especially now, being grown.

Jian: Well, it’s not about gift giving. Actually we don’t have the habit of giving gifts at holidays, not even at the Chinese New Year, a time most similar to Christmas in terms of family gathering. But we do share a lot of family time together. You probably have heard about hundreds of millions of Chinese crowd the trains to rush home for the New Year. For two decades when I was working at Corporate America, the Chinese New Year was our busiest selling season. Since it was not (still not) a holiday in the U.S., and school was not off, I had always worked during this period. I must say I regret now that I didn’t take time off to foster the tradition of family gathering, at least among the three of us.

Lisa: It’s true, I have very little emotional connection to the Lunar New Year and all its tradition.

 

Jian: I know. But for us, it’s not just the Chinese New Year. This Thanksgiving, you were traveling in Israel, and over the upcoming Christmas and Gregorian New Year, you’ll be traveling again, in Europe. I understand you love traveling and holidays are the best time to do so. I’m supportive and glad you are passionate about exploring the world. The flip side of it is that, of course, it leaves the family gathering around holidays merely wishful thinking.

Lisa: In a corporate life, it’s nearly impossible to find enough time to get out for longer stretches, so it’s true that Thanksgiving and Christmas are the best times in a year to get away when there is built-in “free” days. Well, we don’t get together or with the extended family, but we see each other regularly. Christmas seems like it may well be just another day.

Jian: I’m afraid that the lack of family gathering in the U.S. is not just because there are no extended family members around (which is true), but it also reveals a deeper problem—I think it is a reflection of the weakening of family concept and tradition. I do hope we can get together for a hearty meal at home during the upcoming Chinese New Year in January this time.

Lisa: I don’t think you’re wrong, but I also don’t think that the concept of gathering as a family should be hung so hard on holidays that society deems significant. Being willing to spring twice the going rate for airfare and fly over the New Year’s shouldn’t be the indicator of how much love exists between people. I also think that what they say is true—Christmas and the holidays are different when you have kids—and really these celebrations are more for the kids than for the adults. There are no children in our immediate family now, and so in part, I really think that timing has become somewhat arbitrary. Is that cold?

Jian: What you said makes sense to a certain level, but I don’t think family gathering during holidays, even at Christmas, is primarily for children. Holidays have their special meaning and functions, and it is great to observe the tradition of family gathering when the spirit of festivity is in the air. I think the tradition of sharing the joy of holidays with family and celebrating the importance and union of family at such times is one we should continue to honor and observe.

Read more of Jian and Lisa’s blogs here.

Asian Fortune is an English language newspaper for Asian American professionals in the Washington, DC metropolitan area. Visit fb.com/asianfortune to stay up to date with our news and what’s going on in the Asian American community.