Do You Know How to Eat?

Food Etiquette in Social Settings

by: Lily Qi

I know many people, in spite of years of living in the U.S., are still uncomfortable when ordering food from a menu with unfamiliar dishes or having to eat with a fork and a knife.
These days, most nice social occasions have some food connections, especially during the holiday season.  Whether sharing a potluck with friends at a party, having business lunches, eating out on a special occasion with family members, or enjoying a full service banquet at a special event, we are eating socially.  What’s acceptable in one culture can be considered rude in another.  So paying attention to how we properly eat in front of others is critical in projecting a sense of our personal refinement and cultural competency.
I hope these tips from my personal observations of common mistakes in eating in a Western style restaurant can help you eat with style and confidence so you can better enjoy the whole experience of social dining.  Remember, our manner, not the food, is the most important ingredient.

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1.    First of all, if you are a gentleman, let the lady walk in front of you when walking toward a table and help her get seated before plunking yourself down.
2.    Place your napkin on your laps right after you sit down.  It’s not meant to be left on the table during the meal.
3.    It’s a challenge to know what to order, so feel free to tell the waiter your preference and ask for a recommendation.
4.    Wait for everyone’s food has arrived before digging in, no matter how hungry you are!
5.    Generally, Americans like to use the right hand to cut food, then (gently) put the knife down, switch the fork to the right hand and use that to bring food to the mouth—quite an exercise.  You can also use your left hand to pick up food, which is what most Europeans do.
6.    Sit up and keep eye contact with your conversation partners as much as possible while eating.  Use your fork to raise food to your mouth rather than putting your face over your plate.  The most important thing in a social dining setting is the conversation!
7.    We don’t need to see the food you’re chewing!  So don’t talk with your mouth full.
8.    Don’t slurp on your soup or drink.  The general rule is to keep your noise level as low as possible when consuming your food.
9.    A related rule is lower your voice when talking.  Only people at your table need to hear what you say, not everyone else.
10.    Belching is frowned upon in the public–not a sign of appreciation for a good meal as in some other cultures!
11.    When you are done eating, place your fork and knife in a parallel fashion so that the waiters know you’re finished.
12.    Going Dutch is very common so don’t be shy about splitting a bill—usually evenly among participating parties.  If you are not serious about paying for everyone, don’t make the offer just because you want to save face.
13.    Don’t forget to tip if you are paying the bill.  A rule of thumb is to tip at least 10-12 percent for acceptable services, and 15-20 percent for excellent services.
14.    Finally, when you walk out the restaurant help your lady friend (or elderly parents) stand up by pulling back her chair when she stands up, help her with the coat or jacket if applicable and let her walk in front of you.
The key to all the above is practice, even just among your own family members so your impeccable manner comes effortlessly to you.
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If I may add one more thing–it’s the dress code for social dining.  If you receive an event invitation that says “Black Tie Optional,” don’t be fooled to think it’s optional to dress up or down.  You have the option of putting on a nice suit and a tie or a tuxedo and a bowtie if you’re a man.  For ladies, a cocktail or full length dress with appropriate jewelry or something equally nice and elegant.

Our home cultures may be known for gourmet food, but we have much to learn about the art of eating, especially now that we are part of a bigger culture.  A little extra attention can go a long way in enhancing our enjoyment of meals as well as the company.

Lily Qi can be reached at qulturematters@gmail.com or via her blog site at www.qulturematters.com.